It ain't easy being whiiiiite

prime_rib @ 2005-07-29T09:37:00

2005-07-29T15:02:00Z

What do you look for in a romantic partner?

Unlike Michael, I have standards. *laughs* Oh, I could tell you about some of the cows he's *bleeped* He likes them scary and mannish. But me, when I *bleep* a chick, I make sure she doesn't have a mustache. I like it when they don't speak English, but I like it even better when they don't speak at all. They (I say 'they' because you can never have too many romantic partners at once, now can you?) need to appreciate the illusionist's craft, especially illusions that require the removal of my clothes. Applause is nice...very, very nice. And hot. The sound of my voice crooning out songs I've written should enrapture her.

But that's just me and my standards. Some things have to be sacrificed for family, and if I'm the go-to guy for *bleeping* the Bluths out of trouble, so be it. Yes, I'm willing to risk a herpes outbreak. But maybe a little thanks once in a while would be nice.

prime_rib @ 2005-06-30T10:43:00

2005-06-30T16:17:05Z

What is the biggest obstacle you have overcome in your existance?

The life of an illusionist is fraught with obstacles. And peril. And the illusion of obstacles and peril.

But I'd have to say the biggest obstacle I've vanquished in my illustrious career is racial intolerance. Sure, when Franklin and I first took the act on the road, there were people who didn't "get" our message. They called it "offensive" and "bigoted" and asked "what kind of ventriloquist moves his mouth anyway?"

We showed them, though, didn't we, Franklin? *laughs* Oh, we showed Ol' Whitey.

Franklin (and I, GOB) have appeared at every Bluth family function since we started our act. We have released a hit album, Franklin Comes Alive ~~which Michael would have loved if he'd bothered to listen to it~~. Some clubs even let us stay for a few minutes to warm up the crowd before throwing us out.

We've come a long way.

...but now, due to an unfortunate laundering incident (Dad would be so proud. What am I saying? Dad is proud!) the chocolatey brown hue of Franklin's skin is forever lost. Franklin is white.

He'll make his triumphant return, though. I'm going to find him a job as a butler. Does anyone need a butler?

prime_rib @ 2005-06-04T22:52:00

2005-06-05T03:53:19Z

Sorry I was gone for so long. I've been learning to levitate.

OOC

2005-05-17T03:59:37Z

I figured everyone should know: Fox finally did something right.

prime_rib @ 2005-05-16T10:04:00

2005-05-16T15:05:48Z

You need friends.
You have been very lonely in your life and
people have, for one reason or another, stayed
away from you. The isolation is killing you
inside and all you want is to feel a connection
with somebody else. You now have little
self-esteem left inside and have dark thoughts
about life and relationships. However you still
have that crave of friends inside of you, even
if you won't admit that to yourself anymore.
And even if you do have a friend, you still
feel lonely because you have a hard time
letting people in since you have been isolated
so long.

What Do You Need in Your Life? [dark pics]
brought to you by Quizilla

I don't need friends! *laughs* Isn't that right, Franklin?

prime_rib @ 2005-05-06T23:11:00

2005-05-07T03:46:53Z

Which are you more afraid of: Being too gullible and believing things that aren't true, or being too skeptical and missing out on something important?

What? You lost me at "gullible," question-writing guy. Didn't you ever go to question-writing school? Or maybe you were tossed out of question-writing school, you and your needle-sharp number two pencils and your calculator with that race car game on it and now you inflict paragraphs on busy people under the guise of asking questions!

Have you ever heard a question?

"Is this you card?" That is a question. Although you don't really expect an answer because for a top-rate illusionist, or even a pathetic hack parlor prowler like Tony Wonder, the old which-is-your-card trick is the oldest one in the book.

Do you think I have time for this? I have things I could be doing! I'm a magician, for God's sake. I have illusions to prepare, wonders...no, marvels to mold. And meld. I have a Country Club to storm with Franklin, my trusty ~~steed~~ angry ex-black puppet. Save your so-called questions for someone who's busy mooching off his self-righteous brother who won't lend him money without some hocus-pocus rigmarole about earning it and giving back. Come on!

prime_rib @ 2005-05-04T12:29:00

2005-05-04T16:30:19Z

I took a quiz, but it broke this piece of *bleep* journal. ~~And Michael wasn't around to fix it for me.~~ Come on!

All right, the stupid comments might not work, but this does.


illusions are love
brought to you by the isLove Generator

The Man Behind the...bleeping Hot Body

2005-05-04T14:12:22Z

Bluth. GOB Bluth. Actually just GOB because the Bluth’s in there already. I’m an illusionist by trade. Word of my Sword of Destiny illusion has spread far and wide, and if you haven’t heard of it yet, I suggest you run to the nearest street corner and pick up this month’s Poof before you too fall prey to the scorn and derision of your friends.

If there’s anything else you want to know, you can ask, but remember: an illusionist never reveals his secrets.

Yes, I will be signing autographs.